June 11, 2012 10:27 am by Gary Rotstein / Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen-turned-ladies, did it really have to come to this?

You take a time-honored, prestigious competition like the Miss USA pageant, which has spent six decades giving the beautiful women of America a leg up in overcoming disadvantages like jealousy from other females and tongue-tied slobbering among men, and you turn it into a sorry spectacle of back-biting and smack talk.

We're talking to you, Donald Trump and former Miss Pennsylvania Sheena Monnin (not to be confused with Miss Pennsylvania Jordyn Colao, who just two weeks ago quietly won the state version of the rival Miss America competition and presumably by now is closing in on her goal of preventing cardiovascular disease in the United States — or at least Pennsylvania, since it's the only domain over which she has pageant queen power for now).

It's a shame, mr. Trump, that you've done so much for two of the inspiring innovations of 21st century America — reality television and the birther movement — but risk losing your lofty status if you can't come out of this pageant dispute with your head of hair held high (or, well, almost as high as it already is).

And Ms. Monnin, with your fancy-pants University of Phoenix psychology degree and other assets that only you and your plastic surgeon know the real truth about, you've really stirred things up with your accusation that the Miss USA pageant is fixed. On top of that, you've complained publicly about mr. Trump's willingness to have a transgender woman compete for the pageant title.

And on top of on top of that, you've resigned your title as beauty queen, creating a predicament for Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, who now has to wonder if she should demonstrate solidarity with a fellow queen by giving up her own crown after wearing it for 60 years.

The controversy over all this gained media attention far and wide last week, from Ms. Monnin's hometown of Cranberry to the Australian capital of Canberra. (Yes, we're also surprised the capital Down under isn't Sydney or Melbourne, so don't feel bad.) It's a good thing there's nothing serious going on now in Syria or Afghanistan or the Middle East to divert our attention.

There's a lot to learn from and leer at in this tawdry saga, but let's start with the most startling fact that we had overlooked until a few days ago:

The Morning File / Thanks, Sheena Monnin, for the inspiration